Its me again!

Hi everyone! Ahhhh its just 4 days more before 2008 starts!! Anyway this is my first post chirstmas post so enjoy haha!:) The reason why im blogging today is because Nat told me to freaking do so or else she wouldn't give me the attention Hahaha!!:) Well I don't need it actually lol (How can BBB Boss seek attention from the godfather?!?! Ridiculous indeed!:) haha jk! Anyway Nat, heres another story I experienced today which I thought could be a little funny (although I don't think so haha!:)

Today's lesson: Mangoes and Aunties:)
Before I begin my story, just some stuffs... Went for CO today. Got badly humiliated cuz everyone seemed to be playing far better than me hahaha! Anyway time to practice hard as the performance is just a couple of days away!

Okay okay before I get too draggy... let me begin!!:)
I recalled a newspaper advertisement yesterday by fairprice (NTUC Nat, not WALMART, in case you forgotten lol!) which had lots of small pictures in it, of which a picture of "Mangoes" was in it! Ladies and gentlemen, these are no ordinary mangoes from Thailand or Malaysia but the super famous "R2E2" mangoes from Australia woohoo!!! Whats more?!?! They were selling each piece for only $2.95 instead of the usual $4.50!! Being a huge fan of this sweet juicy evil fruit (cuz it has the power to seduce people like me and definitely much more powerful than dope), I couldn't help but rush down to Lot 1 to buy them the next day (which is today!)

When I rushed down after my CO, I was surprised that there was not a soul at the R2E2 mango section!! I was early Hooray!!:) Ha.ha.ha... I wasn't... In fact, I was late, SO Late that people thought I was a mad mango freak coming at this hour to take the rotten leftovers... how dumb!:( I believe this to be the work of the morning aunties who were here hours before NTUC even opened haha!:O All that were left were just one shelf full of mangoes instead of two and a half shelves... darn I was too slow for them! Anyway, with all that were left, I decided to try my luck in choosing some (I couldn't bear to leave empty handed:)

Now here came challenge 1: Experience...
Being a fool when it comes to buying fruits, I had a hard time looking and choosing the mangoes. Things were kinda like this: I saw a mango that looked good, yay I picked it up and the portion hidden from my sight revealed itself and it was mouldy, crap.... so I had to put it back. Then I carried on staring (admiring actually) the shelf of mangoes again. The more I looked, the more things got confusing. One by one.. all the mangoes looked the same, green +pink+orange+ yellow.. Hahaha!:) I was lost!!! Being completely aware my eyes were playing irritating tricks on me, I decided to give my "often blocked" nose a chance to redeem itself!! One by one, I picked up mango after mango and gave it a whiff, Mmmmm this one smells good... but wait wait, that one's better, erm NO I think this one's the Best but AIYAH wah lao eh... all smells good leh NOOOOO!!:) I failed, yet again...:(

After doing a thorough examination on all the mangoes on the shelf: weight, size, smell, attractiveness, seduction levels blah blah.. (I think I really did lol!), I decided to give it a second sweep!!
Suddenly out of the blue... one of the thousands of terrorising aunties of CCK entered NTUC. BOOM, BOOM, BOOM... their prominent footsteps echoed through the aisle and certainly did gave me pressure!! (I was hoping they avoided the mango section but I was dead wrong!) Being located right at the main entrance of NTUC, they wouldn't have missed it before the World!! "WAAHHH MANGO PROMOTIIIOOONN!! SO CHEEAAP... OIE AH ENG AH, FASTER GET PLASTIC BAGS STANDBY!" Shouted one of the aunties to her gang member haha!:) And there she went, rummaging through the whole shelf for the mangoes of her choice... My forehead was perspiring cuz there was COMPETITION!! And the spirit of Singaporean Kiasuism set in. I kept motivating myself..." You can Lose Jordan! YOU CAN'T! If you let those aunties choose and take the best mangoes away and leave you with those smelly rotten ones they've pressed, licked and farted on, you'll go home empty handed, and the feeling of shame, failure and guilt of not buying the mangoes for your family and falling under the hands of the invincible auntie will follow you and scar you all the way till the day you DIE!

Noooooo!! This cannot happen! Wahhh... instantly like a mad man, I rummaged through every corner and fished out all the mangoes Muhahahaha!!:) Moments later out of the blue, one muscular man decided to enter the race to get a slice of Mango glory! but even before he could get his eyes on the mangoes, all the aunties kinda gave him a look.... YES a look soooooo EVIL and had this clear message which said, "GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE and DONT YOU DARE TOUCH THESE MANGOES OR ELSE WE'LL SMASH YOUR ALREADY SWOLLEN BODY WITH OUR FAT ASTRONOMICAL ARSES WITHOUT ANY MERCY!!!!!" Being totally aware that he had freaked out and messed his white pants cuz there was an obvious colour change (yellow at the front and brown at the back), he decided to drop out of the race awwww...

All the aunties, being aware that I was becoming more skilful by the minute and were pressurised by my berserk mango madness behaviour, started to pick up speed and became faster than me, eventually. Suddenly, the flashback of smelly farted mangoes, shame, failure & guilt appeared in my head again!! It was BAD and I CAN'T LOSE OUT!! Then I decided to use a little cheat code heehee:) I ran to one corner and called my mum!!! "Hey Mum but this is kind of important... (I didn't give her a chance to say hello lol:), how do you choose a mango?" I believed she had very much wanted to punch me for being so daring by calling her up right in middle of her working hours asking her " how the heck do I choose a Mango?!?!" Well but eventually, she told me and gave me all the secret skills I needed to arm myself against the invincible aunties who could have easily reversed armaggedon and made the hulk look like a fool lol!!:)

After hanging up the phone, I ran back to the shelf and became merciless... Using all the skills my mum equipped me, I managed to grab a bag full of mangoes and with a sense of great achievement and excitement, I ran screamed my way down the aisle to the maggi noodle section!! There, I started counting my money and OH CRAP... I only had 8 dollars and I still needed to buy cup noodles Darn!!>:( In the end, I had to give up three of the five mangoes I had chosen... very VERY sad indeed:....(

Anyway, I still had the best two mangoes and I hugged them and ran all the way back home, for fear that some of those aunties, who had suffered a terrible defeat back at NTUC and couldn't swollow their humiliation, would snipe me down with one of those rifles from the surrounding HDB blocks... Fortunately, I made it back home, alive and in One piece and my two beloved mangoes are sitting in the fridge resting right now muhahahaha!:)

This whole experience took me more than 1.5 hours ...whoa!! And the lesson learnt, When it comes to fighitng for something you've long to have: SPARE NO MERCY! Muhahaha!!

The winner for today's fierciest mango competition,
Kovski!:) Hooray!!